


Cold

by FoxRafer



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-03
Updated: 2007-02-03
Packaged: 2017-10-21 10:43:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoxRafer/pseuds/FoxRafer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>A major downer really.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> A major downer really.

He can't blame them for not understanding. They've never known what it feels like to be completely unattractive, to be so unappealing that no one - male, female, animal, mineral - has ever wanted to touch, to hold, to kiss, to love. They tell him love's not all it's cracked up to be, that somehow it's worse to have been married and divorced, to have had your heart broken. That somehow the loss of love is worse than never experiencing warmth and affection, to never having a person tell you you're beautiful while you gaze into eyes so full of love you want to cry. He thinks being trapped in an abusive relationship would be worse, fearing for your life and sanity every day at the hands of someone you thought cared for you. But merely having lost love, it just doesn't compare to the chasm in his soul, completely devoid of any intimacy, and knowing he's somehow destined to live his entire life with that gaping hole.

These thoughts swirl through his mind as he walks to work, the cold biting his cheeks providing a welcome excuse for why his eyes are filled with tears. He brightens when he sees Karl, one of the regulars that he passes as he trudges from the subway to his office. Several weeks ago he worked up the courage to introduce himself to the hazel-eyed stranger, hoping that might be the impetus to something more. It only meant that now when they exchange their usual "good morning" the other's name is added, making the polite slightly more personal. It's the same this morning, a cheerful greeting and then continuing on their way.

He imagines what it would feel like for Karl to stop him, to have a real conversation. He thinks about bumping into him at the National Portrait Gallery or the Building Museum, discovering a mutual love of art or architecture, and being asked to share a cup of coffee in the museum cafe. He almost begins to feel lighter as he plays different scenarios through his mind, ponders the possibility that this man could actually find him attractive. But then he catches sight of himself in a window and knows it's all a dream. And dreams with no hope of being reality are a waste of time. He walks into the office, shrugs out of his coat and starts the day, his dark secret safely tucked in the recesses of his mind until he's on his own again, back on the street heading home.


End file.
